Communication Is the Art of Negotiation

Posted by Will Webb on July 27, 2023

The Daily Diplomat

Are you seated comfortably? Well, let’s begin! Did you know that you happen to be a full‐time diplomat hard at work? Whatever age you are, that’s how many years of diplomatic experience you have. Each day, you negotiate the terms and conditions of your mutual connection with various others. There is an exchange that goes on between people, whether it is material or non‐material. You may require things from others, and others may require things from you. Such is the nature of this world.

You don’t just communicate in order to pass on information, but as professor Jerzy Bralczyk explains, you want to form a connection, which is the most difficult in all of this. You also want to be viewed as credible, so people believe you, and you want to efficiently get your point across without accidentally saying what you don’t want to say. Communication becomes an art of negotiation. Wikipedia defines negotiation as an interaction and process between entities who compromise to agree on matters of mutual interest, while optimizing their individual utilities. They also list conflict as part of this def‐ inition, but I must challenge them on this point because many negotiations don’t involve any conflict. Your daily life is a platform for many negotiations, big or small. They can happen anywhere, and we don’t really consider them as such, because they hide under the guise of normalcy, or more specifically, under the guise of social norms (we will discuss them more in depth throughout this book) by which we guide our behaviour when sharing spaces and experiences with other people. It takes a great deal of effort, and mental energy, to negotiate with other people daily. The constant “dressing up” of our words in a proper way, in order to ensure the most favourable response, can be really exhausting, especially with the latest preoccupation with political correctness filtering the spontaneity out of our communication.

For example, when a waiter is attending to a table of clients, he is focused on behaving in a way that will result in a bigger tip. He is not literally negotiating that tip by saying to the clients, “How much will you give me at the end of my service to you?” or, “It will be $2 extra per joke; how many would you like today?” The negotiation is happening through both parties’ mutual understanding of this social norm of keeping it cool as they participate in the norm of giving a tip. The norm requires them to kind of pretend it doesn’t exist, and the ne‐ gotiation is playing out somewhere within that dynamic. Behaviours, emotions, and thoughts, combined, form themselves into the frequency that aligns with a specific monetary amount to be awarded to the waiter.

Somehow, influence finds its way into our daily negotiations. To get others to assist you in anything, you must use some form of influence. Whether we want to acknowledge it or not, people are motivated to a large extent by self‑interest. The waiter wants a substantial tip, so they have to act in a way that will help them receive it. The result of your negotiations with others usually is meant to equate to something that benefits you, or benefits something else that is important to you. Self‐interest sounds selfish, but it is not to be taken literally as a bad thing, because it is incorporated into the design of human life, as every human at some point realizes that they themselves, above all, are responsible for whether they eat or not. Every human should be prepared for having their own life in their own hands, even if in this moment that may not be a necessity. There are levels to all of this, you see. Self‐interest has a scale. You may not have thought that a simple thing such as stopping to pet someone’s dog is motivated by self‐interest. If you look deeper, this action is driven by the desire for a pleasurable experience, which emanates from feeling the soft fur of this cute animal, and hopefully having the dog confirm to your ego that you are an awesome person because dogs like you.

Have you ever had to run into a store, right at closing time, wanting to quickly purchase something you need, so you tried to influence or convince the cashier to process this one last transaction just for you? You had to influence the cashier to give you that favour. More serious influence can be found in situations like parents influencing their children’s career decisions or marriage decisions, or some law representatives influencing defendants to plead guilty in order to get a better deal in their sentence and end the case. Self‐interest is at the core of all humans because we all have a main goal: to keep ourselves alive in the most pleasant and efficient way. Survival is the one thing that life all over surely has in common. It may not always appear that humans are motivated to act in a manner that is most pleasant or efficient, but even those who consciously sabotage their own good are often driven by something that satisfies some part of them, giving them the perception of a continuum.

Not just in today’s world, but all throughout time, the right social capital has been a valuable commodity, and can be a huge asset in your life’s portfolio. Social capital refers to the people within your reach, who can be a valuable link to something that benefits you, your family, or your business. Everyone relies on other people for many things. On a deeper level, it is actually the thoughts, feelings, and behaviours of other people that you rely on, and those must be recognized for what they really are, not just what they appear to be. There are intrinsic (internal) and extrinsic (external) traits, and the former only come out in specific situations, and often after some time, making them much harder to size up. That understanding must also be applied to yourself. When you remember to check with your inner “guru” for guidance in various decisive life situations, you will be less likely to buy someone’s junk, especially when you are caught off guard, distracted, or put on the spot.

Whether you consider yourself to be outgoing, or prefer to keep to yourself, personality shouldn’t decide for the quality of your interactions with others. Everyone needs to eat, and everyone needs to become as familiar as possible with the playing field of their lives. You don’t have to be a social butterfly in order to achieve a pleasant and beneficial social life. When you increase your psychological awareness, and con‐ tinue to equip yourself with interesting knowledge that ex‐ pands your basic interests, you will be able to tailor your social results to your very own personality. Moving into a greater state of consciousness will increase the ability to attract more like‐minded people into your life who suit your needs.

You are continuously lobbying for your access to many as‐ pects of this life, and sometimes also lobbying in favour or disfavour of others. It also happens that you may NOT be lobbying for yourself enough, and miss out on many benefits simply because of things like shyness or limiting cultural beliefs. Some people shy away from approaching strangers to network with. Many people also demote themselves subcon‐ sciously and have a hard time promoting themselves because they don’t want to be accused of bragging; although, no matter the personality, it is important to keep in mind that what‐ ever you want to achieve, it will involve not only talking to others, but talking to them in a way that will be effective for you. Even in something as common as getting a job, or a deal, an overwhelming majority of what happens is by word of mouth! The Small Business Trends website reports that the majority (about 70%) of “employers feel most comfortable with word of mouth job candidates when a friend or acquaintance of a current employee or someone in their circle applies for a job.” This is why person‐to‐person interactions are so crucial to the proper functioning of society and its economy, just as they are crucial to your quality of life. Might as well become a master of your social world, enjoy the benefits, and leave disappointments in the past. Increased knowledge of the mind will illuminate your future, one day at a time.

You don’t just communicate in order to pass on information, but as professor Jerzy Bralczyk explains, you want to form a connection, which is the most difficult in all of this. You also want to be viewed as credible, so people believe you, and you want to efficiently get your point across without accidentally saying what you don’t want to say. Communication becomes an art of negotiation. Wikipedia defines negotiation as an interaction and process between entities who compromise to agree on matters of mutual interest, while optimizing their individual utilities. They also list conflict as part of this definition, but I must challenge them on this point because many negotiations don’t involve any conflict. Your daily life is a platform for many negotiations, big or small. They can happen anywhere, and we don’t really consider them as such, because they hide under the guise of normalcy, or more specifically, under the guise of social norms (we will discuss them more in depth throughout this book) by which we guide our behaviour when sharing spaces and experiences with other people. It takes a great deal of effort, and mental energy, to negotiate with other people daily. The constant “dressing up” of our words in a proper way, in order to ensure the most favourable response, can be really exhausting, especially with the latest preoccupation with political correctness filtering the spontaneity out of our communication.

For example, when a waiter is attending to a table of clients, he is focused on behaving in a way that will result in a bigger tip. He is not literally negotiating that tip by saying to the clients, “How much will you give me at the end of my service to you?” or, “It will be $2 extra per joke; how many would you like today?” The negotiation is happening through both parties’ mutual understanding of this social norm of keeping it cool as they participate in the norm of giving a tip. The norm requires them to kind of pretend it doesn’t exist, and the negotiation is playing out somewhere within that dynamic. Behaviours, emotions, and thoughts, combined, form themselves into the frequency that aligns with a specific mon‐ etary amount to be awarded to the waiter.

Somehow, influence finds its way into our daily negotiations. To get others to assist you in anything, you must use some form of influence. Whether we want to acknowledge it or not, people are motivated to a large extent by self‑interest. The waiter wants a substantial tip, so they have to act in a way that will help them receive it. The result of your negotiations with others usually is meant to equate to something that ben‐ efits you, or benefits something else that is important to you. Self‐interest sounds selfish, but it is not to be taken literally as a bad thing, because it is incorporated into the design of human life, as every human at some point realizes that they themselves, above all, are responsible for whether they eat or not. Every human should be prepared for having their own life in their own hands, even if in this moment that may not be a necessity. There are levels to all of this, you see. Self‐in‐ terest has a scale. You may not have thought that a simple thing such as stopping to pet someone’s dog is motivated by self‐interest. If you look deeper, this action is driven by the desire for a pleasurable experience, which emanates from feeling the soft fur of this cute animal, and hopefully having the dog confirm to your ego that you are an awesome person because dogs like you.

Not just in today’s world, but all throughout time, the right social capital has been a valuable commodity, and can be a huge asset in your life’s portfolio. Social capital refers to the people within your reach, who can be a valuable link to something that benefits you, your family, or your business. Every‐ one relies on other people for many things. On a deeper level, it is actually the thoughts, feelings, and behaviours of other people that you rely on, and those must be recognized for what they really are, not just what they appear to be. There are intrinsic (internal) and extrinsic (external) traits, and the former only come out in specific situations, and often after some time, making them much harder to size up. That understanding must also be applied to yourself. When you remember to check with your inner “guru” for guidance in various decisive life situations, you will be less likely to buy someone’s junk, especially when you are caught off guard, distracted, or put on the spot.

Whether you consider yourself to be outgoing, or prefer to keep to yourself, personality shouldn’t decide for the quality of your interactions with others. Everyone needs to eat, and everyone needs to become as familiar as possible with the playing field of their lives. You don’t have to be a social butterfly in order to achieve a pleasant and beneficial social life. When you increase your psychological awareness, and con‐ tinue to equip yourself with interesting knowledge that expands your basic interests, you will be able to tailor your social results to your very own personality. Moving into a greater state of consciousness will increase the ability to attract more like‐minded people into your life who suit your needs.

You are continuously lobbying for your access to many aspects of this life, and sometimes also lobbying in favour or disfavour of others. It also happens that you may NOT be lobbying for yourself enough, and miss out on many benefits simply because of things like shyness or limiting cultural be‐ liefs. Some people shy away from approaching strangers to network with. Many people also demote themselves subconsciously and have a hard time promoting themselves because they don’t want to be accused of bragging; although, no matter the personality, it is important to keep in mind that what‐ ever you want to achieve, it will involve not only talking to others, but talking to them in a way that will be effective for you. Even in something as common as getting a job, or a deal, an overwhelming majority of what happens is by word of mouth! The Small Business Trends website reports that the majority (about 70%) of “employers feel most comfortable with word of mouth job candidates when a friend or acquaintance of a current employee or someone in their circle applies for a job.This is why person‐to‐person interactions are so crucial to the proper functioning of society and its economy, just as they are crucial to your quality of life. Might as well become a master of your social world, enjoy the ben‐ efits, and leave disappointments in the past. Increased knowledge of the mind will illuminate your future, one day at a time.

_____________

Nika Domi

www.NikaDomi.com

New York Times Bestselling Author: Person to Person

Exercise Tips to Improve Your Wellness

Posted by Will Webb on June 23, 2023

Exercises to help With Your Mental Momentum

Exercise has been shown to have positive effects on mental health, including reducing symptoms of depression.

Exercises that can help with depression:

Aerobic Exercises

Engaging in aerobic activities that increase your heart rate, such as brisk walking, running, cycling, swimming, or dancing, can release endorphins (feel-good hormones) and improve your mood.

Yoga

Practicing yoga combines physical movement with mindfulness and deep breathing, which can help reduce stress, improve mood, and promote relaxation. There are specific yoga poses and sequences that target mood elevation and stress reduction.

Strength Training

Lifting weights or doing bodyweight exercises not only improves physical strength but can also have positive effects on mental well-being. Strength training releases endorphins and can boost self-esteem.

Mindful Walking

Take a walk outdoors and focus on the present moment. Pay attention to your surroundings, notice the sensations in your body, and take deep breaths. Walking in nature, if possible, can provide additional benefits.
Group exercises: Engaging in exercise classes or team sports can provide social support and a sense of belonging, which are crucial for combating depression. Consider joining a local sports club or fitness group.

Tai Chi

Tai Chi is a low-impact exercise that combines gentle movements, deep breathing, and meditation. It promotes relaxation, improves balance, and has been found to reduce symptoms of depression.

Dancing

Dancing is a fun and expressive way to get moving. Whether it’s taking dance classes, joining a dance fitness program, or simply dancing around your room, it can boost your mood and help alleviate symptoms of depression.

Swimming

Swimming is a low-impact exercise that can be particularly beneficial for people who find other forms of exercise challenging. The soothing nature of water and the rhythmic movements can have a calming effect on the mind.

Outdoor activities

Engaging in outdoor activities such as hiking, gardening, or playing a sport in a natural setting can enhance your mood by combining exercise with exposure to nature and fresh air.

Mindfulness Meditation

Although not a physical exercise, mindfulness meditation can be an effective tool for managing depression. It involves focusing your attention on the present moment, observing your thoughts and emotions without judgment. Regular practice can help reduce stress and promote emotional well-being.

Remember to start slowly and gradually increase the intensity and duration of your exercise routine. It’s always a good idea to consult with your healthcare provider before starting any new exercise program, especially if you have any underlying health conditions.

THE PERSON TO PERSON PHENOMENON

Posted by Will Webb on June 23, 2023

“Know thyself, then thou shalt know the Universe.”

– Temple of Apollo, Delphi

You Are Here for a Reason

Social interactions have always been central to the existence and evolution of us humans. If you were an alien visiting Earth, one of the first things you would easily notice is humans interacting together on many levels, in various ways. Person‐to‐person encounters are embedded in every aspect of daily life. Our earliest ancestors, just like us now, have been obliged by various physical and emotional needs, a satisfaction of which happens to require the partic‐ ipation of other people. We have always collaborated in search of necessities like food, shelter, safety, and of course, in creating more humans.

Although the visible basics of sur‐ vival help us see the next day, our desires to fulfill that which may not be visible to the eye sets us on a perpetual journey through various emotional experiences together. We need each other for the basic things in life, as well as the more ex‐ traordinary ones.

Have you ever wondered why people simply can’t get along? If you look at the various levels of conflicts, misunderstand‐ ings, and disappointments, which often happen during human social encounters, things don’t always go so smoothly. Most of the time, humans get a failing grade in the lesson of seeing things from the perspective of others, seeing through mere appearances, or sometimes even simply seeing the big picture. Many pieces of your past experiences make up your unique perspective, which in turn shapes the creation of your convictions (or beliefs, feelings, attitudes). Despite our often‐ misestimated mental capacity, as humans, we are incorrect about many things we think we know. Your mind unfortunately builds many inaccurate convictions because, as Joseph Jastrow profoundly stated, “Conviction is the rivalry between reason and emotion.

Often, the emotion wins the bid to build that conviction, because they’re already associated through the memory process. Social‐psychological knowledge is here to expose the common processes of the human mind as it en‐ counters various social interactions throughout the path of life. Knowledge of how and why we operate the way we do, will eliminate the obstacles that stand in your way to the mastery of self. It will pull you out of the darkness of misconceptions, which can lead you down the wrong path. Are you tired yet of wasting time on mistake after mistake? I know I was, and then I found this knowledge. The right knowledge utilized is central to the quality of your life, and that of the world around you.

Mastering the social part of your earthly experience is crucial to your basic survival and beyond. Those who are skillful in the craft of social interaction are most likely among the winners in many areas of their life, as compared to those who are not as skillful. They are often pretty good at disallowing emotions to distract their judgement. I’ve always admired movie or story characters who were impressive in dealing with other people, and knew exactly how to remain ahead of the game in every social situation.

I’m sure you can already imagine which types of characters I’m talking about! Sherlock Hol‑ mes, Tony Stark, Alice from Resident Evil, Hermione Granger in Harry Potter, even Fresh Prince of Bel Air or Bugs Bunny. They were keen listeners and observers, had exceptional awareness of their environment, and were almost psychic in their ability to predict the behaviour of others. They always had the perfect response for pretty much anything, and others looked to them for solutions in tough situations. This skill inspired me to get to know the human mind as much as I can, and to work on overwriting my own inopportune mental programs to achieve the highest level of mind mastery in this life‐ time.

What truly impressed me about these characters was how hard it was to fool them. Such people are a minority in our world. Did you know that most people cannot spot a lie in real time when interacting with someone who is lying? Re‐ searchers, Bond and DePaulo, found that the average person here in the Western world is roughly 54% accurate in discriminating lies from truths when judging the liar’s behaviour at the time when the lie is being told. That is pretty much like scoring a wild guess, because people’s minds are often automatically inclined to judge lies based on peripheral cues, which are the superficial factors.

Attention is swayed by things such as incorrect stereotypes about what a liar does, or looks like. Less often, people look to the inconsistencies in the liar’s message. The trick here is that the mind is designed to make you operate most efficiently, and chooses actions that save time and energy. Highly blinding effects of emotions, desires, or accepted social norms can also work against you. Intelligent people who were assumed to be highly diligent, have lost big money because someone has been able to talk them into a bad investment, and even top‐ level spies have allowed themselves to be fooled by the enemy. The autopilot within you happens to be a terrible lie detector.

From a young age, many of us are taught various behaviours, such as to be nice and polite in social settings. We adapt this automatic assumption that other people will also be nice to us, or that they should have our best interest in mind. It is important to value good manners, kindness, and be a nice person, but if niceness is not mindfully managed, it can make you hesitant to stick up for yourself when needed, or deter you from questioning the motivations of others.

I was that person for a long time. As smart as I thought I was, it was during my study of psychology when I truly realized how vulnerable I was to the sources that manipulated my perception of them, in order to gain some material or emotional goal. I also realized that my desire to automatically be overly friendly towards everyone, was often putting me in a disadvantaged position.

Seeing how many people fall for simple manipulations, and extreme scams, has inspired my mission to share this essential knowledge with nice people world‐ wide, who are tired of getting the short end of the stick, as well as those who have been doing quite well and do not want to jeopardize all the hard work due to the mismanagement of that one unresolved vulnerability hiding within them. Social‐psychological knowledge will train you to skillfully avoid being misled in the world full of various levels of deceit. It is said that knowledge shall set us free, and it may be true be‐ cause, often, it happens to be the naive who make it possible for the malevolent to achieve their goals.

I am sure you would probably agree that you don’t take enough time to sit quietly and detach from your surroundings to deeply reflect on your thoughts, feelings, behaviours, attitudes, or beliefs. Most people don’t. Interestingly enough, a psychological research study, by Timothy Wilson and col‐ leagues, revealed that “participants typically did not enjoy spending 6 to 15 minutes in a room by themselves with nothing to do but think, that they enjoyed doing mundane external activities much more, and that many preferred to administer electric shocks to themselves instead of being left alone with their thoughts. Most people seem to prefer to be doing something rather than nothing, even if that something is negative. This adds even more evidence for the sociability of humans.

It is likely that you have dipped into some mindfulness concepts, listened to motivational speakers, tried meditation, or are part of some like‐minded group, but you still feel like something is missing. Have you ever thought that it would be great if you could just find that missing piece so you can finally move to the next level? I’m quite certain that you were led to this book for a reason. Now the time has finally come to perfect your knowledge of self, and your knowledge of others, so that you can flow with greater ease towards total mastery of life.

I’m glad you have the desire to learn about the mind! Your mind directs your whole life, and often people reach for great heights of knowledge but forget to learn the basics of how this main operating station of theirs operates. It doesn’t mat‐ ter what background or level of knowledge you come from, or how old you are, this book will help to fill in the blanks of what you may have missed in your own learning trajectory, or it will spark new dimensions of thought about some topics that are relevant to you. The aim of this book is to set and reinforce proper mental foundations of knowledge of self, and knowledge of others. Reading the information contained here will help you elevate your mind’s processes to a whole new level, improve your social outcomes, and make you laser‐ sharp in the art of understanding others.

As a bonus, you will move much closer towards fully getting to know your very best friend: your own self. This somewhat simple but broad review of basic social‐psychological theories, thoughts, and examples will prepare you for the next levels of your rise. I’m certain that the more people learn about the mind in a social context, the higher chance we will have to improve our world by straightening out human interactions, so that we can finally move in the direction of social harmony. After a couple of thousand years of social discordance, it’s about time to elevate into a higher state of being as a species.

This first chapter is just a brief overview of the vibes we will be getting into throughout this book, so keep that in mind be‐ fore you get discouraged by a slight information overload in this first chapter! If you must, then feel free to skip to the second chapter. I’ll forgive you in advance! If you are one of those people who thinks they picked up just another gim‐ micky self‐help book, I want you to note that this book contains fluff‐free, university‐level knowledge, and at the same time, it does not ignore the energetic forces present in all things—otherwise, self‐mastery would once again be incomplete.

_____________

Nika Domi

www.NikaDomi.com

New York Times Bestselling Author: Person to Person

Signs that You’re Codependent on Someone

Posted by Will Webb on May 26, 2023

WHAT IS CODEPENDENCY?

Codependency is a behavioural condition in a relationship where one person enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity.

The concept of codependency comes from the field of addiction research, specifically referring to the partners and family members of people with substance abuse problems. These individuals were often excessively preoccupied with the problems of their addicted loved one, to the point of neglecting their own needs and wellbeing.

However, the concept has been broadened over the years to include any relationship that features a dysfunctional pattern of caretaking and neediness.

Signs of codependency can include:

Low self-esteem and a need for validation from others
People-pleasing behaviours and fear of rejection or abandonment
Taking responsibility for others’ actions or emotions
Neglecting one’s own needs in favour of caring for others
Difficulty setting and maintaining boundaries
Having a hard time expressing one’s own needs and feelings
Dependency on others for a sense of purpose or identity

It’s worth noting that codependency isn’t a formally recognized disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), which is the main resource for diagnosing mental health conditions in the United States. Nevertheless, it’s a concept that many people find useful in understanding certain problematic relationship dynamics.

If you suspect that you might be in a codependent relationship, it might be helpful to seek support from a mental health professional. They can provide guidance and potentially recommend strategies for developing healthier relationships.

ARE YOU CODEPENDENT?

Recognizing codependency can be challenging, as it often involves behaviours and feelings that can seem normal or even admirable, such as loyalty, self-sacrifice, and the desire to help. However, when these behaviours become excessive or one-sided, they can lead to a problematic pattern of codependency.

Here are some signs that you might be in a codependent relationship:

Excessive caregiving: You consistently put others’ needs before your own to the point of self-sacrifice, often without reciprocity.
Need for control: Especially over others, often under the guise of helping or taking care of them because you believe they cannot take care of themselves.
Low self-esteem: You derive your sense of self-worth from others, leading to constantly seeking validation or approval from them.
Dependency: You have a strong fear of abandonment, and you feel unable to function independently in your daily life without the presence or approval of a particular person.
Denial: You might be in denial about the severity of the dysfunction in your relationship. This denial might extend to the problems and needs of the person you’re codependent with, especially if they have an addiction or mental health issue.
Difficulties with boundaries: You have trouble distinguishing where your needs and feelings start and the other person’s end. This can lead to taking on the other person’s problems or feelings.
Reactivity: You have a heightened sense of reactivity towards other people’s thoughts and feelings. You might absorb their feelings as your own.
Poor communication: You might have trouble identifying your feelings, needs, or wants, and have difficulty expressing them.
Fear of rejection and abandonment: You might tolerate excessive mistreatment or abuse in relationships out of a fear of being alone or rejected.
Obsessions: You often worry about others, to the point of obsession. Your mood might be dictated by how the other person is feeling.
Dependency on relationships: Even if they’re harmful, you might feel trapped in certain relationships due to your fear of being alone.

If you identify with these signs, it may be worth seeking the help of a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counsellor. They can provide a more accurate diagnosis and offer strategies to help you establish healthier relationships.

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF CODEPENDENT?

If you’ve recognized that you might be codependent, this can be a significant step towards making positive changes. It’s important to remember that seeking professional help is often key to navigating these changes effectively.

Here are some steps you can take to address codependency:

1. Seek professional help: A mental health professional, such as a counselor or psychotherapist, can provide guidance and support as you work through these issues. Therapy can help you understand the roots of your codependency, develop new coping strategies, and establish healthier relationship patterns.

2. Join a support group: Groups such as Codependents Anonymous (CoDA) offer a supportive environment where you can share your experiences with others who are going through the same thing. This can help you feel less isolated and provide practical advice on handling codependency.

3. Establish boundaries: Learning to set and respect boundaries is an essential part of overcoming codependency. This can involve saying no when you need to, taking time for yourself, and allowing others to take responsibility for their actions.

4. Focus on self-care: Codependency often involves neglecting your own needs. Make sure to take time each day to do things that you enjoy and that contribute to your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.

5. Work on self-esteem: Low self-esteem often underlies codependency. You might find it helpful to list your strengths and accomplishments, and to challenge negative self-talk. Therapy can also help with this.

6. Learn to communicate effectively: Expressing your needs and feelings in a direct, honest way is key to establishing healthier relationships. If you’re unsure how to do this, a therapist or counselor can provide guidance.

7. Practice mindfulness and self-compassion: Mindfulness can help you become more aware of your feelings and reactions, making it easier to change unhealthy patterns. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend.

8. Learn about codependency: Read books, attend workshops, or take online courses to learn more about codependency and how to overcome it. Understanding the nature of this behavior can make it easier to change.

Finally, it’s important to be patient with yourself. Overcoming codependency often involves unlearning deeply ingrained habits and beliefs, which takes time. But with persistence and the right support, you can learn to establish healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Sincerely,

iStruggle & WE ARE NOT ALONE 💯

Build Your Emotional Intelligence (EQ) – You’ll Be Surprised of the Benefits!

Posted by Will Webb on May 26, 2023

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ)

THE PATHWAY OF TRUE HAPPINESS

Emotional intelligence (EQ) refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your own emotions as well as the emotions of others. It involves being aware of your feelings, empathizing with others, and effectively regulating emotions in various social situations.

Improving your EQ can have a positive impact on your personal and professional life, as it helps in building stronger relationships, making sound decisions, and managing stress effectively.

Here are some strategies to enhance your emotional intelligence:

Self-awareness: Start by becoming more aware of your own emotions, strengths, weaknesses, and triggers. Pay attention to how you feel in different situations and reflect on the underlying reasons for your emotions.
Empathy: Practice putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and understanding their perspective and feelings. Actively listen to others, show genuine interest, and validate their emotions without judgment.
Emotional regulation: Develop the ability to manage and regulate your emotions. Learn techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, and relaxation exercises to stay calm and composed during challenging situations.
Social skills: Enhance your communication and interpersonal skills. Focus on effective listening, assertiveness, and nonverbal cues. Practice constructive conflict resolution and learn to adapt your communication style to different individuals and situations.
Emotional awareness of others: Pay attention to the emotions of people around you. Observe their nonverbal cues, body language, and facial expressions. This awareness can help you respond appropriately and show support when needed.
Continuous learning: Invest time in self-improvement and learning about emotions and human behavior. Read books, attend workshops, or take courses on emotional intelligence, psychology, and interpersonal skills.
Reflect and seek feedback: Regularly reflect on your interactions and emotional responses. Assess how well you handled situations and identify areas for improvement. Seek feedback from trusted individuals to gain insights and different perspectives.
Practice empathy and compassion: Cultivate empathy and compassion not only towards others but also towards yourself. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, and practice self-care to maintain emotional well-being.

Remember that developing emotional intelligence is an ongoing process.

It takes time, patience, and practice to improve your EQ.

By consciously applying these strategies in your daily life, you can gradually enhance your emotional intelligence and build more meaningful connections with others.

Sincerely,

iStruggle & WE ARE NOT ALONE 💯

3 Forms of Therapy to Consider

Posted by Will Webb on May 26, 2023

Educating Yourself on Therapy

It Never Ends!

There are many different forms of therapy available to address various mental, emotional, and behavioural issues.

While there are numerous approaches to therapy, I’ll describe three common forms:

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT is a widely used form of therapy that focuses on examining the relationship between thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. It operates under the premise that our thoughts and beliefs influence our emotions and actions. CBT aims to identify and modify negative or unhelpful thoughts and behaviours by teaching individuals to develop healthier and more adaptive ways of thinking and responding to challenging situations.
Psychodynamic Therapy: Psychodynamic therapy is a type of therapy that explores how unconscious thoughts and past experiences impact an individual’s current emotions and behaviours. It aims to bring these underlying issues into conscious awareness, often by examining patterns and themes that emerge in the therapeutic relationship. By understanding and resolving conflicts and unresolved issues from the past, individuals can gain insight, develop self-awareness, and make positive changes in their lives.
Humanistic Therapy: Humanistic therapy emphasizes an individual’s capacity for self-awareness, personal growth, and self-actualization. It focuses on the present moment, the individual’s subjective experiences, and their unique perspectives. Humanistic therapy aims to create a supportive and non-judgmental therapeutic environment, promoting self-discovery and personal empowerment. Therapists often employ techniques such as active listening, empathy, and unconditional positive regard to facilitate the client’s self-exploration and personal development.

It’s important to note that these are just three examples, and there are various other forms of therapy, such as psychoanalytic therapy, family therapy, dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), and many more.

The choice of therapy depends on the individual’s needs, preferences, and the expertise of the therapist.

Sincerely,

iStruggle & WE ARE NOT ALONE 💯

What Is PTSD?

Posted by Will Webb on May 26, 2023

PTSD Strategies

That Can Help Us All

PTSD stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

It is a mental health condition that can develop in some individuals after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event.

PTSD can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, or background.

Traumatic events that can trigger PTSD include, but are not limited to, military combat, sexual assault, physical violence, natural disasters, accidents, or the sudden loss of a loved one. Not everyone who goes through a traumatic event develops PTSD, as individual reactions can vary.

The symptoms of PTSD generally fall into four categories:

Intrusive Thoughts: Individuals may experience recurring and distressing memories of the traumatic event. These intrusive thoughts can manifest as nightmares or flashbacks, making the person feel as though they are reliving the traumatic experience.
Avoidance: People with PTSD may try to avoid reminders or triggers associated with the traumatic event. This can include avoiding certain places, activities, conversations, or even people who remind them of the event.
Negative Changes in Thinking and Mood: PTSD can lead to a negative shift in thoughts and emotions. This can manifest as feelings of detachment, guilt, shame, fear, anger, or a loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities. Memory problems, difficulty concentrating, and a negative outlook on life are also common.
Hyperarousal and Reactivity: Individuals with PTSD may become easily startled, have trouble sleeping, experience irritability or anger outbursts, and have difficulty concentrating. They may also be hypervigilant, constantly on guard, and exhibit a heightened startle response.

It’s important to note that symptoms of PTSD can vary in intensity and may not appear immediately after the traumatic event.

Some individuals may develop symptoms within the first few months, while others may not experience them until years later.

If you or someone you know is struggling with PTSD, it is recommended to seek help from a mental health professional who can provide a proper diagnosis and offer appropriate treatment options.

I HAVE PTSD

HOW DO I HELP MYSELF?

I’m not a mental health professional, but there are several steps you can take to help manage your PTSD symptoms.

Here are some suggestions that may be beneficial:

Seek professional help: Reach out to a mental health professional, such as a therapist or psychiatrist, who specializes in trauma and PTSD. They can provide an accurate diagnosis, develop a personalized treatment plan, and offer guidance and support throughout your recovery journey.
Therapy: Different types of therapy have shown effectiveness in treating PTSD. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is commonly used and focuses on identifying and challenging negative thoughts and behaviors related to the traumatic event. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is another therapy that specifically targets traumatic memories and helps process them in a safe and controlled manner. A therapist can help determine which approach is most suitable for you.
Medication: In some cases, medication may be prescribed to manage specific symptoms of PTSD, such as anxiety, depression, or sleep disturbances. Consulting with a psychiatrist can help determine if medication is appropriate for your situation.
Support network: Reach out to friends, family, or support groups who can provide understanding, empathy, and encouragement. Connecting with others who have experienced similar challenges can be particularly helpful.
Self-care: Prioritize self-care activities that promote your overall well-being. Engage in activities you enjoy, practice relaxation techniques (such as deep breathing exercises, meditation, or yoga), get regular exercise, maintain a healthy diet, and ensure you’re getting adequate sleep.
Establish a routine: Creating a structured daily routine can provide a sense of stability and control. It can help to plan activities, set goals, and maintain a consistent sleep schedule.
Avoid triggers when possible: Identify triggers that worsen your symptoms and try to minimize exposure to them. This might involve avoiding certain situations, places, or people that evoke distressing memories or emotions. However, it’s important to strike a balance between avoiding triggers and gradually facing them in a controlled manner as part of your healing process.
Practice relaxation techniques: Deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, progressive muscle relaxation, or other relaxation techniques can help reduce anxiety and promote a sense of calm. Consider integrating these techniques into your daily routine.

Remember, seeking professional help is crucial in managing PTSD.

They can provide personalized advice and guidance based on your specific circumstances. Recovery from PTSD takes time, so be patient and kind to yourself throughout the process.

SUPPORTING SOMEONE WITH PTSD

Supporting family and friends with PTSD can make a significant difference in their recovery process.

Here are some ways you can provide support:

Educate yourself: Learn more about PTSD to better understand the condition, its symptoms, and its impact on individuals. This knowledge can help you empathize and communicate effectively.
Listen and validate: Be a compassionate listener when your loved ones want to talk about their experiences or emotions. Create a safe space where they feel comfortable expressing their feelings without judgment. Validate their experiences and let them know that their feelings are understandable and valid.
Be patient and understanding: Recovery from PTSD takes time and can involve ups and downs. Be patient with your loved ones and understand that healing is a gradual process. Avoid pressuring them or imposing timelines on their recovery.
Offer practical support: Help with practical tasks or responsibilities that may feel overwhelming to your loved ones. This could include assisting with household chores, running errands, or providing transportation to appointments. By easing their burden, you allow them to focus on their healing.\
Encourage professional help: Suggest seeking professional support if your loved ones haven’t done so already. Offer to help them research therapists or accompany them to appointments if they feel comfortable with that support.
Respect boundaries: Understand and respect your loved ones’ boundaries. PTSD symptoms can vary, and individuals may need space or time alone to cope. Avoid pressuring them into situations they’re not ready for and allow them to set the pace for their recovery.
Provide social support: Encourage your loved ones to participate in social activities if they are comfortable. Offer to accompany them to events or gatherings and help them reconnect with supportive friends or family members.
Be a source of stability: Consistency and stability can be beneficial for someone with PTSD. Be reliable, dependable, and consistent in your interactions. This can help create a sense of safety and trust.
Help them engage in self-care: Encourage and support your loved ones in practicing self-care activities that promote their well-being. This might involve participating in activities they enjoy, engaging in relaxation techniques together, or providing assistance with maintaining a healthy routine.
Be aware of potential triggers: Learn about your loved ones’ triggers and try to be mindful of avoiding or minimizing exposure to them when possible. If a triggering situation arises, be supportive and help them navigate through it.

Remember that everyone’s experience with PTSD is unique, so it’s essential to communicate openly and ask your loved ones how you can best support them.

Encourage them to reach out for professional help, as therapists can provide specialized guidance and treatment.

Sincerely,